Pursuing authenticity over outcomes

Become the best in the world at what you do. Keep redefining what you do until this is true.

Jorgenson, Eric. The Almanack of Naval Ravikant (p. 37). Magrathea Publishing. Kindle Edition.

There's being good. And then, there's being good your own way.

Most challenging competencies allow for authenticity – your own signature for that work, your style, your fingerprint.

Sometimes it's easy to get carried away not only by what others are doing, but by how they're doing it.

Instead, just keep doing your thing.

You are enough

I have a friend who commented once, exasperated:

"I try to exercise but only go to the gym sometimes. It's hard to go consistently. I look at all those people at the gym and keep thinking I'm not enough."

It was a group call, and we were all being vulnerable, but I wanted to ask, "You're not enough... for what? For whom? For which standard exactly?"

We often have these vague visions of a future where the only clear condition is that they're much better than whatever it is we're doing now.

That's no way to live life. Stop comparing yourself to vague, unreachable standards.

Yes, you should continue to improve and grow, but here's the key: pursue authenticity – your own way of doing things.

There's a tongue-in-cheek "Be yourself; everybody else is already taken." But this is especially true in areas that demand excellence.

It's hard to perform at a high level and not have an approach that's uniquely yours. They come hand in hand.

When you're just starting out, mimicking others and focusing on the fundamentals are essential to building a strong foundation.

As you grow, though, you should find your voice more and more. Life is not karaoke; it's a concert! And people paid good money to see you.

So get on the stage and do your thing.

Embracing authentic growth through self-honesty

Don't get me wrong – you have flaws, likely many. Being yourself doesn't mean using "it's who I am" as an excuse for letting things fall apart.

In fact, your "explanatory style" is critical in agency. Martin Seligman warns against attributing problems and failures to "it's who I am" instead of "well, these things will happen no matter what I do, sometimes."

When bad things happen, we can blame ourselves (internalize) or we can blame other people or circumstances (externalize). People who blame themselves when they fail have low self-esteem as a consequence. They think they are worthless, talentless, and unlovable. People who blame external events do not lose self-esteem when bad events strike. On the whole, they like themselves better than people who blame themselves do.

Low self-esteem usually comes from an internal style for bad events.

Seligman, Martin E.P.. Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life. Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

Now, given the reproducibility crisis, we should take findings like these with caution. But the personalization of problems is easily observed and seems correlated with several outcomes you don't want – including depression.

But can you embrace responsibility without the personalization of problems? Absolutely.

Funnily, we sometimes actually reverse our role in events: we personalize problems that aren't our fault while avoiding accountability for things we actually control.

To embrace authentic growth, you must take accountability for your actions without personalizing or making setbacks feel permanent and pervasive.

Just try to state things as they are.

Radical self-honesty is critical as an explanatory style. Be crystal clear to yourself about where you are, what you have done, and what others have done.

Radical self-honesty isn't about what you can and can't control – that's often unclear.

Instead, all you have to do is state the facts you see without lying to yourself. This self-honesty is, rather surprisingly, already plenty hard.

Just say things, being as honest as you can be about it:

• I really didn't go to sleep early.
• I did work hard.
• I didn't really focus.
• I did my best at it.

This self-honesty is hard – sometimes our self-image doesn't match our observed reality, and it's easier to fudge our observed reality than our self-image. Don't fall for that!

Embrace authentic growth by being radically self-honest. To become your authentic self, start by fully accepting who you are today.

But what if you're really unhappy with who you are today? What if others will make fun of you if they know who you are? What if you'll disappoint others if they learn what you did?

Or worse, what if you're just starting out and don't think you amount to anything yet?

That's when radical self-honesty is even more critical.

Embrace the self-suck

At work, we joke about "embracing the suck" – accepting that not everything will be sunshine and butterflies all the time.

Most things worth doing with your signature, your style, and your mark will be hard to learn. This means you'll spend a lot of your time sucking at them.

Sucking at stuff is OK. What's dangerous is not accepting where you're at, or worse, believing that you'll always stay there!

I remember when I first moved from white to blue belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and started getting my ass kicked at every session. Exasperatedly searching the internet for tips on why I wasn't doing well at BJJ now, one of the videos put it bluntly:

If you are a BJJ blue belt, you are NOT good at BJJ. You were NEVER good at BJJ.

Yes! How hard it was for me to realize that, as a white belt, I sucked. Of course I did.

The sucking part is easy. The real challenge is the embracing.

When you're not very good, it's tempting to compare yourself to others, to what you wish you were, or to what others expect.

Instead, focus on how this is your chance to grow and shape your competencies into something uniquely yours.

Because again, you're already you.

So again, go ahead and do your thing.

Make your difference

You're already you, and as you grow, you become more of yourself, bringing more of who you are into your work and your skills.

By pursuing authenticity, you're not just making a difference – you're making your difference.

Pursue authenticity, grow into your most authentic self, and watch the outcomes follow.