Competition as a path to self-awareness

Competition is an ally in the pursuit of excellence.

When we compete, we align with others on the goal and see where we stand in our progress.

Competing also increases our self-awareness by giving us an often-needed reality check.

Learning to lose in Brazilian jiu-jitsu (BJJ)

My Brazilian jiu-jitsu (BJJ) class has a new white belt. He's very strong and probably has been lifting weights for years, but he is new to BJJ.

We welcome him and go through stretching warmups and technique training.

Then, we end the practice as we do every day: sparring.

We touch hands and start grappling. He's pushing my legs down and pressing against my body with all his strength.

A few minutes after starting, he's breathing heavily, and I flip him over on his back. He explodes and pushes me away, but I move back again over him after a while.

I isolate his arm and put it in a lock, and given he doesn't tap, I release it and wrap my arm around his neck in a choke. He taps, and I release immediately.

We change sparring partners, and another colleague of mine will now do something similar to my new BJJ colleague as I did, while a more experienced colleague will do something similar to me.

Self-awareness through reality checks

Many men who are strong in the weight room quit BJJ right after starting. The reason is the difficulty aligning their self-image of being strong with the reality of their losses.

Given self-awareness is our understanding of ourselves, competition gives us a critical signal in self-awareness: a reality check.

A reality check is when we put our theories into practice and ask, "Wait, does this really work?" in a test that crisply answers yes or no.

In competition, there's no "I would" or "I could" – we either did or we didn't. No excuses.

Competition creates a source of self-awareness that is difficult to replicate without it.

There's no false humility in competition – only real humility.

Playing to win

Games are an excellent way to abstract away the complexity of reality into a clear set of rules and create more accurate evaluations of where we are.

In Playing to Win: Becoming the Champion, David Sirlin talks about how games help us remove the risk of fooling ourselves.

The great thing about competitive, zero-sum games is that they offer an objective measure of your progress. When you walk the path of continuous self-improvement that a champion must walk, you have a guide. If you are able to win more (that is, more consistently defeat highly skilled players), then you are improving. If not, then not.

Imagine trying to measure your success in other forms of life such as your personal life or career. Are you improving or not? [..]

Games are different. The very nature of a game is that it is a collection of rules agreed upon by all players. If players don’t agree on the rules, then they are not even playing the same game. [..] There’s no weaseling out of defeat by redefining what the game is. The game should need no redefining, and a loss is a loss.

Playing to Win: Becoming the Champion (p. 6). David Sirlin. Kindle Edition.

Games make it clear-cut that which is murky in real life: the goal.

And games help us measure our progress towards the goal by comparing it with others pursuing an identical goal.

Compete: competition is everywhere

Many of us don't like competing. We have no natural tendency and dislike either the stress or the conflict.

But competition is everywhere. We compete for a new job, promotions, a client's business, and even for finding a life partner.

Some of our hobbies and other interests, such as sports, are naturally competitive. Others are less so, such as music, weight lifting, writing, and drawing, but even those activities often have competitive scenes.

So try finding ways to add game-like dynamics to your current goals and to highlight its competitive aspects:

• Like running? Find a race to take part in.
• Like playing tennis? Play against other partners in your court.
• Like drawing? Participate in a contest and check out other submissions.

Adding a competitive edge to your endeavors will give you new benchmarks and push you to higher standards.

Most importantly, competing will give you a reality check and significantly contribute to your self-awareness.